How To Survive In Johannesburg


1. If you get offered a quick Job, no matter how broke
you’re, walk away.Say No & don’t look back; even if it’s for
charity, Baleka!
2. No earphones while walking in the CBD.
3. When you see a lot of People running & Shouting
“Vimba” Just know sh*t’s about to go down, Some ass
4. When someone offers to sell a brand new smartphone
at a cheapest price in the CBD, Baleka!
5. Don’t act stupid when you see celebrities at Braam /
NewTown they’re always there.
6. Do not wear Mini Skirts in Jo’burg CBD
7. Never go to China Mall alone, that side is a bit quiet &
dangerous; You will be jacked.
8. In a TAXI Close your nearest window especially if you’re
using a taxi from Rivonia or Morningside, as soon as you
enter Hillbrow put your phone away. Only take out your
phone on the freeway because these local born Nyaope
Boys Have skills on opening the Window from outside to
access your phone, and It happens so freaking fast.
9. If you see someone with a big bag asking for taxi money
to go home trust me, those streets are his home, they
always have that bag & that Story, so Just keep moving
10. Those Nigerian guys by those Small Shops at Bree Taxi
Rank will always stop you & say ” Don’t you wanna sell your
PHONE for Good Money” Just say NO & flee fast.
11. Also when you see a guy “accidentally” dropping a
stack of cash” don’t pick up the money, just mind your own
business & keep walking faster.
12. It Helps to walk where everyone walks, there are no
short cuts in JOZI.
13. Never ask for direction especially at MTN taxi rank, it
costs R100.
14. If you see a cow falling from the sky, don’t look
surprised just keep on walking.
15. Never say sorry
16. Never let anyone help you carry your bag, no matter
how heavy it is.. Never.
17. Finally, The First Corner Rule. Very Important!! If you
find yourself walking alone & you see people following &
your Instinct tells you shit’s about to go down you’re damn
right, shit’s about to go down so stay calm, act confident,
don’t run at that point because if you run they will chase
you & catch your ass then get some ass whooping but, at
the first corner run as if you’re trying to break Caster
Semenya’s record, & When you look back you’ll see them
Running after you from a distance. Remember, first corner
you become a damn Olympic Sprinter!



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: