Written by Cynic Harare
There has been a break-in at Zanu headquarters and all its tactics have been stolen. The MDC is the chief culprit after they were seen openly using them. Zanu’s favourite file, the violence one, the one labelled ‘If you Can’t Beat Them – Beat Them’, has pages missing.
Also missing at Zanu PF HQ are several other several other tactics files: ‘The Ultimate Guide to Licking the Dear Leader’s Ass’ file has pages missing. Many of Zanu’s usual sycophantic praises have been stolen, even the old ‘Our Leader was Chosen By God’, which was last seen with one Chamisa in Budiriro. Even the one about Our Leader is Like Moses, which Zanu no longer uses after it was pointed out that Moses never really made it to Canaan.
The When All Else Fails, Blame Western Donors for Interfering in Our Internal Affairs file has also been stolen. Morgan is a suspect after he was seen enthusiastically reading from it at a rally.
The old Fire Anyone That Dares Suggest The Chosen One Has Stayed Too Long And Must Step Down file, has also been stolen.
Police are appealing to anyone who may have information leading to the recovery of these stolen tactics.
“As if they don’t know,” said a member of the People From All Walks Of Life organization.